By Stephenie Craig
After three years of talking about moving to Florida, we listed our house thinking it might sell in six months to a year. Twelve days later we were thrust into disruption when the house sold and the reality of a cross country move set in. In some ways, talking about the possibility of a move for three years instead of taking meaningful action was a way of avoiding the inevitable disruption of a location change.
On some level, humans are designed to avoid change, discomfort and emotional turmoil. Disruption presents itself with feeling emotionally and physically stirred up. You might experience symptoms of anxiety or depression. You maight feel angry, sad, stressed and overwhelmed.
Disruption comes in many forms including moves, relationship conflict, mistakes, failures, endings, beginnings, births, death, diagnosis, job transitions, developmental transitions and environmental stress. You might avoid disruption because it forces you out of your comfort zone, it necessitates you facing personal challenges, it reminds you of all you can’t control, it invites you to admit you are wrong, it creates fear of the unknown and it invites you to feel like the discomfort associated with disruption will be never ending.
However, if you look back in your life, you will likely see that times of disruption and struggle have often been openings for tremendous growth, change and maturing in wisdom. When things get shaken up, you can often find an opportunity to examine and adjust your approach to life. The growth does not change the discomfort of disruption. But, the invitation to grow is present if you know to seek it. So, how do we shift from viewing disruption as something to be avoided to seeing disruption as an invitation to grow?
Seven Ways to Grow Through Disruption
- Notice your personal signs of disruption. Notice irritability, tightness in your chest, low energy, controlling behavior, changes in sleep, busy thoughts, physical ailments and notice if these discomforts are related to a disruptive circumstance, thought or feeling.
- Identify the origin of disruption. When did the disrupted feelings begin? Can you connect the disrupted feeling to an event, circumstance or relationship?
- Validate your experience. “What I’m dealing with is stressful and it makes sense I am emotionally and physically disrupted.”
- Identify growth opportunities. “How can I understand something new about myself?” “How can I take responsibility for myself instead of blaming others?” “How can I increase my life skills and understanding of others?” “How can I cope in healthy ways in the midst of disruption?” Consistently be on the lookout for ways to grow through your struggle.
- Engage intentionally in growth activities. See that therapist, find a mentor, develop spiritual disciplines, read an instructive book about relationships, listen to a podcast related to your struggle, spend time with healthy people, deepen healthy relationships.
- Apply and sustain learning. Try new, healthier coping strategies, new ways of communicating, new ways of problem solving, new ways of relating to others. Keep the new ways of doing things in front of mind for six weeks with post it notes and phone reminders until they have become healthier habits.
- Notice change and celebrate. Look back over a six month to one-year arc of time to notice how you have grown and changed. Express gratitude for the changes and sustained growth in your life.
After about six months of significant disruption and discomfort around our move, we settled into Santa Rosa Beach and have built a life we love. On the other side of disruption has been learning to take healthy risks, learning to chase a dream, learning to plant ourselves in a new community and learning to face fears. The result has been something new and beautiful and gratitude-worthy. Disruption can be very uncomfortable and avoidance is tempting. But, when you engage disruption as a tool of growth, beautiful and life changing things can happen.
Connect with us along your journey of growth at Journeybravely.com for counseling and coaching.
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