By Stephenie Craig, Journey Bravely
I was enjoying some sunshine and air show aviation when two adult drunk guys proceeded to fist fight and roll their tent onto our chairs and umbrella. Later, I noticed a mom struggling to both carry beach bags and her crying toddler. Then, a kind stranger walked her bags to her car so she could carry her child. Then, I saw 3 people get out of their cars to check on a woman who fell on a bike. Shortly after, a kind couple helped my son carry a cooler. When I recounted these events to my husband, it struck me that what I emphasized most was the unpleasant and irritating fist fight.
Why is it so much easier to focus on bad behavior than good?
Negativity is often louder and more attention grabbing than goodness. We like to feel in control and when others are engaging in behavior outside of our values, it makes us feel out of control and our brain alerts us. Additionally, focusing on the negative behavior in others can let us off the hook because our behavior isn’t as bad.
Generally, when things are going well, it is easy to overlook the good. We get up, get in our cars, go to work, interact with others, come home, all the while forgetting to notice the good warm sun, the good of having money for gas, the good of having meaningful work, the good of relationships that make us smile, and the good of a nice home at the end of the day. And while we are overlooking the good, our brains are scanning for danger and alerting us to bad drivers, a person who looks dangerous, the person yelling out the window in the parking lot, the mean person in the checkout line, the humidity, and people leaving trash on the beach.
Focusing on bad behavior over the good in life can leave us feeling we need to protect ourselves, become cynical, isolated, and embrace a negative mindset. The great news is our brains are trained through patterns of repetition so while brains naturally scan for danger, we can retrain our brains to recognize the patterns of good in the world. And, when you begin to seek the good, you will find good happening all around. People are creating good donating time to pick up trash, sweep boardwalks, and fill in holes on the beach for sea turtles. People are creating good starting meal trains and Go Fund Me pages for those who need support.
Neighbors are creating good by mowing each others’ lawns and buying baked goods from one another’s children. Volunteers are creating good serving in food pantries and clothing closets for those who could use some community support.
We cannot control the drunk brawlers on the beach, but we can control how we show up in the world. We get to decide if we will create and highlight the good. We get to decide if we will go out of our way and inconvenience ourselves to create more good in the world. So, how do you shift more focus to the good?
5 Ways to Create and Highlight the Good
- Pay attention. Notice when you are annoyed and why. Notice when you are inspired by others doing good and how that feels. Notice your responses in both scenarios. Which are you giving more energy and attention?
- Shift energy. When you notice yourself giving more attention to bad than good, say to yourself, “I want to give more energy to noticing and creating goodness.” Seek justice in helpful ways when appropriate and when it’s not, let go of your righteous indignation and put your energy where it counts.
- Watch. Look for opportunities to create good even when it inconveniences you. Do something kind and unexpected for someone in your home. Find a way to be a good and kind neighbor. Seek ways to create goodness in the larger world. Be creative and have fun with creating goodness.
- Name goodness. When you see goodness, talk about it with others. Tell someone their goodness inspired you. Practice naming good things in your life daily.
- Repeat until it’s a habit. Choose a day each week to create good. Fold goodness creating practice into something you do each week like going to the grocery store or grabbing coffee. Connect creating goodness with specific times like holidays. Put reminders in your phone until it becomes second nature.
The world can feel dark and frustrating at times. And, regular people doing simple good things really does make a transformational difference. Enjoy creating some good and invite others to join you. To connect with us along your growth journey, find us at Journeybravely.com.
