By Stephenie Craig
When did you last lose something or someone important to you? When did you last face an expected or unexpected ending? Loss is incredibly uncomfortable and also inevitable.
Throughout life, you will face many kinds of loss. Sometimes loss is obvious like the death of a pet, a family member, or a friend. Sometimes loss is related to major life transitions such as a loss of a job, moving, or divorce. Other times, loss is a break up or the end of a friendship. And confusingly, sometimes loss is mixed up with celebration like a graduation or wedding. Behind every new and different change in your life is the loss of the way things used to be.
Because loss has so many different faces, it is hard to understand your feelings as you navigate it. Grief is how your brain and body make sense of loss and figure out how to move forward in spite of the loss life brings. Grief gets a bad wrap because no one wants to feel uncomfortable feelings. Most people attempt to avoid grief by any means possible because they fear the discomfort will last indefinitely. You might try avoiding grief by pretending it doesn’t exist, by pushing it down, by numbing with things like alcohol, drugs, shopping, scrolling, or staying busy.
The uncomfortable truth about life is that loss and grief will be part of your journey. There is no preventing it. So instead of avoiding, what if you learn to embrace loss and grief as part of being human and an experience you can develop tools to walk through with health and wisdom?
10 Ways to Embrace Loss and Grief with Health and Wisdom
- Let go of avoiding/numbing. Face the reality that uncomfortable experiences and feelings are part of your humanity. Avoiding discomfort hijacks your growth, learning, and emotional maturing. Loss is a normal, hard part of life. Notice and list activities you engage in to avoid uncomfortable feelings from loss.
- Notice grief feelings in your body. Grief and loss bring feelings of overwhelm, exhaustion, sadness, despair, anger, confusion, and depression. Notice how these show up in your body. “I am feeling tearful and extra tired.”
- Connect your grief feelings to a specific loss and validate your experience. “I am feeling sad, tired, and overwhelmed. I just moved to a new city and I am starting everything over from scratch. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed in this situation.”
- Normalize grief. “Everyone goes through loss and has hard grief feelings. I am normal. It is normal for me to be feeling like this right now.”
- Remind yourself the feelings won’t last forever. “My grief feelings are really intense right now and I will find a way through. It won’t always feel like this even though it’s hard to imagine how I will feel better at this time.”
- Create space for grief. Give yourself time each day to process. Journal about your loss, talk to a friend, cry, punch a punching bag, scream into your pillow. Give grief a way out of your body rather than pushing it down. Try setting a timer for 30 minutes and sit in your hard emotions. Allow yourself to grieve spontaneously when possible.
- Accept grief as unpredictable and largely outside your control. It’s okay to grieve without judgement. Remember, everyone will experience grief.
- Continue living normally as you are able. Though it will feel strange to do normal things during times of loss and grief, it is healthy to do so. Moving forward in your life day to day is not a sign of indifference about your loss, rather, it’s part of continuing to live with loss.
- Lean into the growth grief and loss promote. No one wants to experience loss in order to grow. However, growth is often a byproduct of loss and grieving. Lean into your spiritual life knowing that your feelings are not unmanageable to God. Deep learning about yourself, God, and life often occurs in difficult times.
- Release victimhood. Remember loss happens to us all. Your current loss is not directed at you, rather, it is part of the human journey you are walking through. Despite the difficulty, you can find a way through and will find meaning in life again.
As grief emerges in your personal story, remember that our shared human experience is tied together by grief. As you navigate your own loss and grief, watch for the spaces where you can connect with others in their loss and grief. You aren’t alone in grief even when it feels like you are. Connect with us for support along your journey for counseling and coaching at Journeybravely.com.
